- NHL Treatment
- Hodgkin's Treatment
- Clinical Trials
- Monoclonal Antibodies
- Types of NHL
Lymphoma and Pets
Life post cancer...a heads up would've been nice.
From the outside, everybody says how great I look and how well I'm doing. Even my Oncologist says I'm doing great. But I feel like saying, "HOW do you know that I am doing great??!!!" I really don't feel that way. Just because I am not acting like an emotional mess in front of people does not mean that I am doing/feeling "great." I'm not saying that I am not appreciative of my "cancer-free body," but I can't seem to kick this feeling that brings a lump up in my throat from just thinking about the fact that I've even had to go through any of this.
I'm left now with jacked up looking hair, scars all over my chest from my lymph node biopsy and port surgeries, my constant muscle aches and pains (from chemo), and the non-stop exhaustion and weakness that I feel...I know that it can always be worse, and I'm not trying to be negative, but it just sucks. I'm taking my time to heal and fully process all that I've been through, and it might take me longer than most people would like, but I can't worry about other people right now. Other than the small group of amazingly supportive people I have had in my life, I have sadly also experienced the complete opposite. There have been some who have been completely selfish. It's pretty sad and pathetic if you ask me. Having cancer has definitely taught me many things about people, and it's scary how when it comes down to it, there are really only a handful who genuinely care. In the beginning I had to deal with the initial shock of diagnosis, and then I was numb during treatments...definite survival mode, and now I am dealing with all of these different emotions and feelings after cancer. I know it will all be fine, like everybody tells me, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
Here is a recent pic of my hair. It is growing in pretty good, just not as fast as I would like it to. I am using Nioxin shampoon & conditioner, leave in conditioner by RevitaLash, and taking hair vitamins along with extra biotin. I'm not sure if any of this is helping, but I continue to do it just in case :) A lot of people have asked if my hair is any different, since it usually grows in a different color or texture after cancer, but I can't really tell yet. So far, it seems the same to me as before.